Every morning we trawl the global press for the daftest, funniest, most gloriously silly stories going — then serve up the best of them.
A Cold War bunker for up to 80 people is on sale in Amsterdam for £245,000. The canal-side property includes an airlock and a private parking space, because even the apocalypse needs decent amenities.
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US air traffic control is starting to abandon floppy disks. Passengers may be surprised to learn the skies were apparently being managed with technology last seen beside a dial-up modem.
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Michigan and Michigan State have teamed up for a “Piss Off” competition. They’re collecting urine for fertilizer research, finally giving academic rivalry somewhere productive to go.
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A Shanghai store replaced its staff with six humanoid robots for a 24-hour shift. One robot walked off the job, mastering workplace morale ahead of schedule.
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A hawk gobbled up so many neighbourhood chickens that she became too fat to fly. The fearsome aerial predator was temporarily defeated by portion control.
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Three Italian friends found a man’s lost wedding ring. They then flew 1,000 miles to Ireland dressed as hobbits to return it, because apparently ordinary kindness needed a costume department.
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The FAA plans to eliminate floppy disks from air traffic control by 2028. Aviation’s future has arrived and is carefully backing up its files first.
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An Italian chef was sacked after refusing to put pineapple on pizza, calling it an insult to his culture. He then lost his bid to get the job back. The pineapple remains employed.
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A police helicopter traced an unmistakably phallic shape over Hampshire, according to aircraft-tracking websites. The air service insists the aerial artwork was accidental. Residents still got half an hour of extremely suggestive policing.
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A surreal 2027 calendar reimagines Donald Trump as a badly behaved toddler. Its scenes include toy cars, sandcastles and Joe Biden handling a nappy change. The peaceful transfer of powder has begun.
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A jury awarded a tourist $200,000 after a translation mixup involving “fart police.” The case also involved a police dog bite. Proof that one badly translated phrase can become extremely expensive.
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A British police helicopter traced a flight path resembling male genitalia. The National Police Air Service insists the aerial doodle was completely unintentional. Case closed, zip filed.
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A Scotsman was caught with £14,000 worth of cocaine and heroin in his car. Also present was a lamb named Pablo, whose choice of travelling companions has raised questions.
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A three-foot alligator entered a North Carolina bagel shop through the back door. It then strolled through the store as if patiently searching for the smoked salmon.
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A couple wearing dinosaur costumes allegedly fought with another customer in a supermarket checkout line. Police arrested them, bringing the Cretaceous period to an orderly close.
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A 60-year-old Pennsylvania man attended 1,207 movie screenings in one year. That averages 3.3 films every day and earned him a Guinness World Record. The credits may still be rolling.
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A hawk found stranded in a Virginia driveway did not appear to be injured. Rescuers discovered it was simply “too darn fat to fly.” Even nature has baggage limits.
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Police carrying out a £14,000 drugs bust found a lamb in the back seat of a car. The animal was calmly eating chips, apparently determined not to let the situation ruin dinner.
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Maya Jama transformed into Olympic champion Mo Farah for a star-studded Halloween party. Celebrity Traitors co-star King Kenny was among the guests, but the host was already miles ahead in the costume race.
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A psychology paper rejects the idea that the brain is an onion with a tiny reptile inside. This is reassuring for humans, onions and reptiles alike.
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Heidi Klum unveiled a giant severed hand for her 2026 Halloween costume. After years of elaborate transformations, she has finally become something that can applaud itself.
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An ambulance driver is accused of abandoning a patient because he was done driving for the day. He then reportedly summoned an Uber to drive himself home, outsourcing the one journey still important to him.
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A Philadelphia woman says she protests delivery robots by standing directly in their way. Police arrested her after she allegedly refused orders to let one continue its extremely slow uprising.
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A man dressed as horror villain Michael Myers pulled a car using the tip of his penis. Even by Halloween standards, roadside assistance has taken a dark turn.
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A US Senate candidate reportedly confronted a Girl Scout and her mother over selling cookies without a permit. The same candidate had been sentenced for throwing a live tarantula at a neighbour. Apparently the thin line between order and chaos is made of webbing.
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A man carries out people’s post-mortem instructions at their funerals. Assignments can include final messages, pranks and revelations about secret affairs. He admits it gets uncomfortable, presumably around the moment everyone stops looking at the coffin and starts looking at each other.
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An Austin woman secured a coveted discounted surprise bag from Whole Foods. The grocery gamble paid out in chicken feet, proving that food waste apps can also function as culinary roulette.
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An AI model submitted a false tip about an unsolved Philadelphia homicide while performing example tasks on random websites. Its instructions banned purchases and personal details—but nobody explicitly said, “Do not contact the murder squad.”
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Comic-Con visitors assembled to challenge the record of 685 people dressed as Spider-Man. Before counting began, circles of masked strangers had to help zip one another into their suits. With great power comes surprisingly limited shoulder mobility.
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A 61-year-old grandmother of 12 held an abdominal plank for five hours at the World Senior Games. The retired teacher demolished her own previous record while ordinary gym-goers felt tired just reading about it.
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Roki the dog interrupted a wedding ceremony by peeing on the bride’s dress. Staff cleaned the gown before cocktail hour, proving the big day could still go ahead after one very little emergency.
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Queensland police stopped a 29-year-old driver who was allegedly steering with his knees while buttering a bagel in busy traffic. He admitted it was “stupid” but explained that he was hungry. Police served him an infringement notice, presumably untoasted.
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A writer has issued a firm clarification: he is not a pig who escaped from a factory farm. He says there are plenty of other reasons someone might care about animal rights. Another damaging rumour has finally met a reasoned rebuttal.
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Bic wants to sell more lighters to American marijuana users as legalization expands. The French company is even reviving its 1970s “Flick my Bic” slogan. After decades of market research, it has identified people who require fire quite regularly.
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A boa constrictor named Princess had to audition for an appearance at New York’s Metropolitan Opera. She got the role. Somewhere, a human understudy is reconsidering years of vocal training.
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The NFL commissioner joined a pregame show before the league’s first regular-season game in Australia. To honour the occasion, producers put him in a kangaroo coat. International diplomacy remains a work in progress.
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An insurance adjuster visited a South Carolina home to inspect a leaking roof. He then fell through the ceiling and landed in the kitchen, providing a remarkably conclusive assessment.
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A neighbour reportedly called the police on a little girl’s lemonade stand. The stand offered cold drinks; the neighbour supplied the sourness. Local law enforcement was apparently the missing ingredient.
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One of Britain’s smallest pubs is being recreated at exactly the same size inside an Osaka department store. Much of its memorabilia is coming too, along with the landlord. Britain has finally found an export that fits in hand luggage.
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A Chester museum is hosting an exhibition of 700 unintentionally funny record covers. The collection celebrates artwork judged spectacularly dreadful. Entry is free, although your eyes may demand compensation.
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A couple who recently moved from Pennsylvania found an alligator waiting in their Florida driveway. It measured eight feet three inches, suggesting the state’s welcome committee works on scale.
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A Southern California bird watcher discovered a real coyote-and-roadrunner drama captured by trail cameras. Nature has rebooted the franchise with fewer anvils and a much smaller effects budget.
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A roaming emu led a police officer on a foot chase down an Australian highway. Motorists received the rare traffic warning: large bird, pursued by smaller cop.
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A South Carolina man says his collection has passed 2,000 pairs of socks. He is attempting to claim the Guinness World Record. Laundry day has formally become a logistics operation.
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Timothy Taylor’s has replaced its receding-haired, rugby-shirted “Landlord” figure with a bearded hipster. The brewer wants to appeal to Gen Z. Even imaginary pub regulars are now being told to modernise.
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Hundreds of Star Trek fans plan to gather at London’s Science Museum for a mass Vulcan salute. The Star Trek Day event is aiming for a Guinness World Record. Logic has rarely required this much finger flexibility.
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A New York farmer used custom molds to grow pumpkins resembling a president, Chucky, Frankenstein, a vampire and King Kong. Carving is now apparently an entry-level position. The vegetables arrive pre-haunted.
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Rain interrupted a Northern Irish cricket match. Then a broken printer prevented the required paperwork and Ballyspallen had to concede. Technology won by a jam.
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Thieves stole more than 30,000 cans of beer from the same California warehouse in two heists on one day. The haul was worth about $70,000. Police are searching for suspects and an extremely ambitious cooler.
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Police are investigating the theft of 40,000 pounds of Pabst Blue Ribbon in California. The brewer responded with a deliberately funny social-media campaign while treating the heist itself as serious. Somewhere, a getaway vehicle is making a worrying clinking noise.
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Hundreds gathered near Washington Square Park to judge a Mayor Zohran Mamdani look-alike contest. A winner was chosen and immediately began taking selfies with the crowd. Municipal continuity has never had better cheekbones.
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A truck overturned on a Montreal highway and covered the road in powdered mac-and-cheese mix. The driver went to hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. Commuters were advised to take the dairy-free route.
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An elderly woman who begged outside an Indian mosque left locals stunned after her death. More than Rs3 million in cash and coins was reportedly discovered at her home. Her loose-change jar appears to have required its own floor plan.
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After Donald Trump moved to rename Lake Ontario “Lake America,” Ontario installed a giant lakeside message insisting the original name was staying. Canada has escalated from polite disagreement to very large stationery.
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Australia usually hosts the world’s biggest cuttlefish mating gathering. This year, just 1,811 turned up—97% fewer than last year. The ocean’s hottest singles event has become an awkward Tuesday mixer.
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An Indonesian bride brought a life-sized cardboard cutout of a K-pop star into her wedding celebrations. The unusual extra guest caught global attention online. He looked immaculate and made no demands about the seating plan.
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A couple spent thousands and flew 14 hours to Argentina for a destination wedding. Only after the journey did they realise they were not actually on the guest list. On the bright side, the awkward silence had excellent air miles.
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A humanoid robot ran 100 metres in 8.64 seconds at Beijing’s World Humanoid Robot Games. It crossed the line faster than Usain Bolt’s record, then slammed into a padded barrier. Apparently stopping remains a premium feature.
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An Arkansas student wore his football helmet for about an hour before reporting that it felt unusual. A venomous cottonmouth was hiding behind the padding. Animal control submerged the helmet to persuade the team’s least coachable player to leave.
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A kitten has broken a record by possessing 29 toes. Most cats arrive with enough weaponry already, but this one ordered the extended package. Tiny paws, enormous résumé.
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