Driver Discovers Bagels Have a Hole, Traffic Laws Don’t

A 29-year-old Australian driver was allegedly buttering a bagel with both hands while steering his vehicle with his knees through four lanes of busy afternoon traffic. It is the sort of breakfast arrangement that raises several questions, most urgently whether the cream cheese was worth an infringement notice.

Queensland Police said an officer approached the “P-plate” driver at about 4pm on September 7 after spotting his unusual division of labour. His knees had apparently been assigned responsibility for the motor vehicle, leaving his hands free to deal with the more delicate matter of spreading butter evenly around a baked ring.

The timing and location did not help his case. Traffic was busy across four lanes, and the officer appeared keen to understand the thought process that had placed lunch above steering.

“Can you explain to me why in four lanes of traffic that’s quite busy at this time of day that you thought steering a motor vehicle on your Ps with your knee while you buttered a bagel would be a great idea?” the officer asked.

This was a commendably complete question, covering the road conditions, the driver’s provisional status, the knee-based steering and the bagel, while also allowing him the generous opportunity to identify which part had seemed great.

The driver reportedly conceded that it had been a “stupid” decision. His explanation was that he was “hungry” and had been working since the morning. Hunger can make people irritable, distracted and prone to poor decisions, although most manage not to reorganise the human body into a breakfast preparation system while operating a car.

Police did not report any crash or injury arising from the incident. They did, however, discover another problem: the vehicle was unregistered.

The driver was issued an infringement notice for driving without due care and attention and for driving an unregistered vehicle. Thus an attempt to save a few minutes over a bagel ended with roadside paperwork and two alleged motoring offences, which is considerably more administration than most snacks require.

The matter concluded with the notice, and police gave no further details about court proceedings or additional action. Nor was the eventual condition of the bagel disclosed. The driver, meanwhile, has been left with an unusually specific lesson: a bagel may have a hole in the middle, but traffic law does not contain one large enough to drive through with your knees.